Gender Roles

**These are all based on theory and observations.  Make what you will of it, but is from a subject mind attempting to be more objective in every day applications.

**Note, this might have some adult themes, so be warned!

            Picture yourself in a time period where women gave birth to her infant and then is tasked with making sure the child survives to adulthood.  In this world, gender roles are needed and acutely defined.  Man did not have the capability to provide for the child directly, so instead it was his duty to hunt and gather food for his growing family.  Being restricted on breast milk, the baby could only feed from the mother until early childhood.  In this, the father is powerless.  He can provide for two, but the rest is up to her.

            While this man gathers the food, his wife is restricted to the house.  In this, she is powerless.  In her slavery to the home, she prepares food or washes dishes; milks the cows and cares for the property.  In the meantime, the man hunts.  He is by himself or with a group of hunters, also men and young boys aspiring to manhood.  By himself, he knows himself.  In a group, he knows the thoughts and ideals of other men.  It is a form of isolation.  He is a slave to being a hunter, with no choice.  He becomes strong, but lacks the daily interaction with his family until the evening arrives and both mother and father are tired from the hard day’s toil.

            Now, take this thought, and apply it to the women.  She is with her children, but while she prepares the house for her husband’s return, she runs to any neighbors, if there are any.  She is with mothers, sisters, and children. She only knows the thoughts and feelings of women and their young until the evening when the fathers and brothers skin the meat and stow it away until it is eaten or too rotten to consume.   If there is not a community (that is, if they own a standalone ranch in the middle of nowhere), she is isolated as well.   The evening is shared with man, woman, and children, but there is not much to say.

            The communication is gone, there is nothing in common; not really.  They eat together and, while the children are off doing something else, they have an intimate moment, but do these people (a man and his wife) really know each other?  Now, in the old days, the men might not be off every day hunting, but there are clear roles that he must fill.  Their tasks are different.  He knows his sons when they come of age, but does he know the daughters?  Of course these young girls hold his affections, but he missed a part of her life that he will never see and, ultimately, never understand.  These young girls are taken to the mother, separated from their brothers that pestered them and vice versa.  She learns to sew, cook, clean, maintain . . . and the boys are off to learn what it is to be a man.

            So, what is left? Two different communities within one community.  In a time where this is what it took to survive, there was little to no connection between husband and wife, other than that of a physical nature.  Other than that, men and women lived in two drastically different worlds, all out of necessity.   Besides their children, they really do not have much in common.  The work they experience is different and the people they are exposed to are different.

Take a look at nature around you.  Is this not the same for other creatures?  Penguins get the opposite treatment.  The fathers huddle with the eggs til they hatch and, in the meantime, the mothers swim and find fish because she will perish if she doesn’t.

            (source: http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/photos/natures-10-best-animal-dads/emperor-penguin )

            (side note, that link also shows top ten dads in the animal kingdom if you choose to go through it)

            I only point this out because, if something happened to change the outlook on humanity, the woman might have ended up the provider while the husband stayed home.  Many animals chew food and feed it, mouth to mouth, to the baby.  Our babies are kind of sensitive creatures though, so it was probably better they had the nutritional stuff.

            But that leaves another question?  If what I’m proposing is based in some truth, why did these gender roles blow up into a male dominant world?  Was it mentality, a sense of entitlement that hunting and providing was superior to raising and nurturing?  Or perhaps it was the physical differences between males and females?  I am sure at some point religion played a huge role in this development.

            Maybe it does not matter, but the truth of the matter is somewhere along the line, women got shafted.  Maybe the life of provider hardened a lot of mens' hearts or maybe male companionship was deemed a more suitable use of time than family time.  As a result, fathers were around as disciplinary and guidance figures.  Maybe this is a theme that is all too familiar with me because many books have a struggle between father and son, and this is perhaps due to the lack of bond fathers had with sons until their sons were considered men.  Men were harsh to each other and sons resented their father for it. 

 A steady hand without compassion.   

I feel like this is a common literary theme. These are extreme cases, but this theme would not have been presented over and over again in literature if the feeling did not exist.

            (Here, someone beat me to it: http://www.ukessays.com/essays/english-literature/relationship-between-father-and-son-in-literature-english-literature-essay.php )

(This article is a bit extreme too, but I feel like society places too much responsibility on people in general. Men should do and act like this and vice versa.  http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/fathers-and-sons )

            What I do have to say about the above article is this:  Not all men are suitable fathers.  Not all women are maternal.  If baby happens, you have a responsibility that that child to make sure it finds a healthy environment.  Men are just as confused as women when it comes to the modern world.   Men are told to be strong and showing emotion is a sign of weakness, but in all honesty (this coming from a woman) men who can father are damn sexy.  There is nothing sexier (to me, anyway) than a sensitive man who can kick ass when needed to (so I throw in a little subjective voice . . . sue me?  No, don’t.  You don’t know me, so you can’t hahaha!) 

            I derailed from the original thought.  That happens, bear with me, please.  My mother told me that she had no concept of what true love was until she held my older brother for the first time.  This was her responsibility.  This came from her and she had to take care of this screaming tiny . . .thing.  I mean, she married my father for multiple reasons, but love was a loosely strung concept (not getting into that) but there is nothing like holding an extension of yourself.  This feeling I have seen in fathers, too.  It is love in its purest form.

            This means that mothers are not the only ones who have to nurse and clean.  Men can contribute their love and affection while keeping a firm hand and developing a relationship with his child and, therefore, gender roles do not have to be as defined!  Women are not restricted to the home and property anymore and men are not restricted to solely providing food and money. 

Fathers are necessary to a loving and supporting family (we’re talking a man and a woman marriage; same sex is another beast that I’m not touching here, but I might later).  If the wife wants a career, she has a right to do so.  As long as the child is cared for, who cares who stays home with the baby?          

           

            Husbands, in this new world, can take the load off of their shoulders, too. They are no longer expected to hunt and provide, so they can spend more time with the family. Some of the best men I know have the strongest family values.

            To me, I feel like gender roles is an outdated concept originally created to ensure survival. The threat is non-existent. Men and women have the same capacity to learn and to grow, but I have always learned better in a mixed group. The brain works differently for everyone, so hearing new takes on a topic that you know from your own perception and hear someon eelse's interpretation is an eye-opening experience. Unfortunately,though, many people will shut down any thought that isn't congruent with their own. "The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is knowledge of our own ignorance" ~ Benjamin Franklin.

            I love this quote, and others very similar to it. To gain wisdom,you have to divide yourself from your own ignorance and take the time to understand that we will never know what truly is out there, but we are each entitled to our own universal truths. To deny someone is a direct influence of ignorance, but to ignore someone else's intuition because it does not line up with your own is equally bad.

            For men to then say a woman is inferior because certain defining roles to her nature that restricted her in the past is, in my perception, a form of ignorance and a path that strays from wisdom. Likewise, radical feminists who oppose men and are turning them into slaves  by emasculating them is equally dangerous and toxic.

            But these extremes are only in play now, because women still feel attacked. In some cases, this is true. I have met my fair share of men who won't talk to me because they sincerely think that I don't have the capability to keep up with the conversation, even though these lovely thoughts have plagued me from childhood (not gender roles, but the fun questions of 'where did we come from', 'where do we go from here', and, my personal favorite, 'I'm here . . . now what?)'. But I have also met many (my brothers especially, they grew up with me, the poor suckers)who will talk to me because I will engage in a polite discussion/debate since I ENJOY it, not because it upsets me.

            I am in the ever endearing pursuit of knowledge and to "acquaint [myself] with [my] own ignorance" ~ Isaac Watts.

            And maybe these men have a point: many women just fall straight into a certain category. Maybe because they were told 'this is a woman, thisis who you are' or they never thought better of it. They put on makeup, strap on these long, skinny spikes, and wear these revealing clothes as part of a mating ritual. This is a highly sexualized act, attracting males for possible relationships etc. This is the world's perception of a woman's beauty. She must appeal to all senses. She must look hot and smell pretty. She's dancing for man, hoping to find a partner (for the night or for a lifetime, the game is played the same).

            It is one thing to dress up to enjoy it, but it is another thing to do it because the media is telling you to. Commercials, magazines, movies, advertisements . . . I would say a grand majority of them are advertising sex, usually with a beautiful woman. In my personal opinion, this is a step backwards. Yes, men are attractive to women -their curves, their long hair, their smiles, their breasts . . . all ofit, but it does not need to be there every five minutes.

            While sex is a vital point in relationships, it is not solely for the man's enjoyment. Women are just as bad and, you know what? We can enjoy it to the same level that men do.

            I feel that women like me are a tiny development.  We are wise enough in our own bodies to know that we are not property, but we know better than to feel superior to anyone.  A good man knows the same of his wife, sisters, mother, and friends as well as himself.  Once we detach that id from our minds, a new wave of wisdom and community can come to us.  We will never get to a world of mutual peace, but we can find others who share this belief and try to spread it as much as possible.  A good person, to me, is one who will share beliefs, but not belittle.  Who will listen and contribute.  A constructive criticism of sorts.

            To conclude this idea on gender roles, we need to take a step back.  A relationship should communicate.  What one person wants may be entirely different than what the spouse or fiancée wants.  Who is suitable for what vital role?  Two of my good friends are coupled and married and have children.  While the father was at college, the mother worked.  She has an amazing job.  So, it fell to the father to raise the boys.  And you know what?  That worked for them in a period where he didn’t have a job.  She would come home and they would rotate the baby shifts.  It is a balancing act.  In today’s roles, there is no room for defined roles, but rather, roles that a relationship defines to make it last.

            Both share equal responsibilities and both are amazingly smart, creative, and growing.  They are not restricted by archaic rules.

            Now, I am no history expert, but as a woman, this is a *slight* issue that occasionally occurs in my life.  It is nowhere near the level of what is used to be, but parts of this peak through in modern day.  I hope that this might enlighten someone in some way and I encourage debate, as long as it is not flaming and bashing.  That is a good way to get deleted.  And, again, this is all from a personal account of things that I have internalized for so long, I am not even sure where some of these ideas came from.  Feel free to link to things that are based in truth, not the fairy tales I live in.  Speculation is an interesting beast, but truth helps, haha.